A video in which men reading aloud nasty tweets sent to female sports reporters is making the rounds today. I’m not even going to link to it, because it’s so vile and sad and pathetic. You can Google it, though.

But I posted a mini-rant on my Twitter feed about it, and went a little further on my Facebook page:

So I watched the PSA on “bros” reading mean tweets to female sports reporters, and I have a few thoughts about the topic. After 18 years of doing what I do for a living, I can say this: That video is only a sliver of the ridicule and harassment I’ve seen against females in male-dominated realms, not just in sports journalism.

It’s not just the internet, either.

In my career I’ve been grabbed by men, pushed, swung at, threatened to my face, by phone, by email …

Even very recently, while covering a high school basketball tournament, I had another media member tell me, “you really hate the team you cover, don’t you? You don’t deserve your job.”

And I’ve had colleagues who have been asked, “are you actually okay with working with a female sports reporter?” It’s 2016, and I still don’t think some are, in general.

Oh, and I had a male coworker at my first job out of college who went out of his way to bully me. He knows who he is, and I think some of you do, too. But, whatever, he knows what he did.

Even worse, I’ve seen how misogynistic not just men can be, but women, as well. And that’s the worst part of it, when I see one female reporter bag on another for … actually doing her job.

I just gotta know … what kind of power do people think they get out of making the others the focus of their ridicule? This is how bullies operate, not human beings.

Bottom line, to quote my friend Bethany: Be kinder.

***

Some of the other things I’ve encountered in 18 years of being a sports reporter. I’ve been laughed at by other reporters for the questions I’ve asked, I’ve had things thrown at me, I had a hockey player ask why I was allowed in a locker room (later on, I told him that he was so much better than that, and he apologized), I threatened to call the police on a parent who charged at me in the lobby of a high school because he didn’t like something I wrote about his son (um, the kid had an error that resulted in the game-winning run – fact), and that was scary. And thank God a school administrator was nearby to intervene.

Women don’t speak up about these kinds of instances, not just in sports journalism but in life. Think about how many sexual assaults and how much office harassment goes unreported. Or being accosted on the street. Or domestic violence. Or bullying at school. There’s a strange, innate fear that keeps people from doing something … and they should do something. That’s your right.

The other dirty little secret of this? Some of the people whom I’ve seen expressing outrage and shock because of the video, or retweeting and commenting on the video … are the same people whom I’ve seen treat their female peers like garbage.

Conversely, there are many good men – and good women – in sports journalism and in journalism. I value my professional and personal relationships with them, and they know what we go through.

One of my favorite tweets came last week from a reporter at the Miami Herald:

Yeah. So, be kinder. Be more considerate. Think about how the things you say or do impact other people.

It should be that simple, right?

Be glad that Andrew Shaw apologized for his homophobic remark.

We don’t see a lot of apologizing in sports – or in the world, for that matter.  Especially surprising, considering that we live in an otherwise very forgiving society. We don’t necessarily forget, but boy, do we forgive.

While I skewered the Blackhawks yesterday in a post, I will give the organization and Andrew Shaw credit for taking ownership of what not only could have turned into a two- or a three-day story. And that should be a cardinal rule of public relations – don’t let the story go longer than one day.

Emotions, Shaw said “got the best of me.”

He says he will never use “that word” again.

(It’s also worth asking, “how many times did you or your teammates use it before?”)

But Shaw’s apology should also bring another issue to the forefront:

There’s the message that yes, homophobia is an ugly issue that needs to be addressed head-on. It’s also an unsavory element of the culture of ice hockey, and one that isn’t just confined to the NHL level.

This should give the hockey community a chance to take some pause, and maybe do some reflection. How are we espousing certain values in the culture of our sport?

Listen to the kind of language that hockey players at all levels use. How their families use it. What they say to each other and to their teammates. This is where it begins. This is where the culture can be changed.

But the fact that we had to have this conversation to begin with also provides a certain commentary: are we as a society too tolerant of homophobia, racism and sexism?

Still, an apology goes a long way. Let’s hope that actions will go a little further.

Julie Stewart-Binks taped a rebuttal to her Rob Gronkowski lap dance segment on Fox Sports 1. And it’s just as cringe-worthy as the initial instance.

Here’s a link to the clip: https://twitter.com/FS1/status/695703403230416896

Her explanation is that what she did was “a sketch.”

“The people that have come at me hardest are women,” she said.

Well, yeah, because she basically lampooned what we do … then tried to blame us.

“Thanks for setting us back 45 years,” … said no female sports reporter, ever.

So, by now, we’ve all seen Rob Gronkowski’s lap dance from last night’s Fox Sports 1 visit.

To post video of this, I believe, would make me complicit. But the question Julie Stewart-Binks posed to Gronkowski was this: “If you had a chance to make some more money using, maybe, me …” she said. “Wanna maybe show us a little Magic Mike?”

It’s not cute and it’s not funny.

Unoffically, of a sample of 100 women in sports journalism, 99 wouldn’t ask that question. One did and degraded the other 99.

Has a creepy precendent been set? Do we now have to ask interview subjects for lap dances? Let’s hope athletes are smarter than that. I know women are smarter than that. But given Stewart-Binks’ coy questioning and the display that followed, let’s clear this up right now:

There needs to be a rational understanding in the working world that women are not objects, and they cannot make themselves into that.

One of the tangents I saw last night was the straw-man argument that, “If Cam Newton did this …”

Right now, Cam Newton has a few bigger things on his mind, and I don’t know if A) he’d go on a talk show during the Super Bowl and B) if he’d take the chance to grind on a female reporter. Professionalism, you know?

Not to give Gronkowski a pass, but consider the unprofessionalism of last night’s exchange on both sides. Let’s talk about sports, not sex. Let’s discuss the topic at hand, not your past as an amateur Magic Mike.

This is not how reporters – male or female – develop their sources. This is not how we get the people we cover to open their minds to us, whether they’re a politician, a community leader, an athlete or a high school principal.

It’s not professional, or appropriate. It’s degrading and demeaning.

And we cannot give leeway to anyone who think it’s okay to somehow sexualize a professional exchange. Its not indicative of female journalists, or journalists, period.

And it’s not how you get a job.

***

On a related note, I get a kick out of this video – some of the questions/comments questions posed to female athletes and the responses that male athletes would give. Doesn’t objectification sound ridiculous?

via Covertheathlete.com:

I  got a kick out of Kevin Durant’s latest soundbite:

“Man, the [media and experts are] always trying to nitpick us,” Kevin Durant told ESPN.com. “I mean, they don’t like us. They don’t like how Russell [Westbrook] talks to the media, they don’t like how I talk to the media. So obviously, yeah, they’re not going to give us the benefit of the doubt.”

I’ve been a sports reporter for 18 years, and I have to say there’s only one person I covered whom I genuinely disliked. Whose name probably wouldn’t register for anybody except a diehard fan of a particular sport at a particular level in a particular part of the country. He basically told me I was stupid, that I didn’t give his sport enough credit, that I would be better off covering girls volleyball or figure skating or fishing, and that I was wrong when I didn’t pick his star player to be our publication’s player of the year.

And each time I listened to him rant, I’d think, “I know I’m not stupid. I’ve covered girls volleyball, figure skating, fishing, lacrosse, hockey, football … and trust me, that kid deserved to be player of the year, much more than yours did.”

Only once did I lash out at him, because I had to stand my ground against his abuse. And after a few days, I apologized to him.

And while I was never for certain if his rants were just a product of misogyny, or of him genuinely disliking me, the fact that he gave me no respect – and respect should be inherent at any level, in any dealing, in any profession – made me dislike him.

But that’s enough wasting time and energy on such a small person. Again, I can’t really think of anybody I’ve covered where I’ve gone into an interview and thought, “Ugh, I can’t stand this person.” There have been athletes and coaches with abrasive personalities, but one of the things I’ve learned in being a journalist – and an observer, to a certain extent – is that you sort of manipulate your approach to work with someone else. You find common ground with them. Or you phrase questions a certain way. Or you even say, “well, I have to ask this, and I apologize if it’s a bit uncomfortable” (but only in specific instances).

There was a hockey player I never covered, but whose career I followed, and one thing I’d been told by several people was how bad it was to deal with this guy, because he didn’t like talking to the media. Later on, after he retired, I read about him and realized that this guy played through so much pain (multiple concussions, groin tear, broken wrist, ripped up knee, chronic back problems), as well as the perception that he was a bust after being a first-round draft pick who never lived up to his potential, and was probably miserable through most of his career. And maybe he felt as if he was only scrutinized. And I get how that would make someone unhappy. And here’s another truth: it’s hard for people who are constantly scrutinized to be honest. Because then, they are perceived as vulnerable.

But for the most part, I’ve found a lot of personalities in sports to be, well, entertaining. It’s unique to see what makes people tick, or how they respond to situations, or if they have a catchphrase they use – or even how often they use what their coaches tell them (Michigan football, under Brady Hoke: “Fundamentals and technique”; Michigan football, under Jim Harbaugh: “Enthusiasm unknown to mankind”).

So, no, it’s not that we don’t like you, Kevin Durant. We don’t even know you. But that’s another post for another day.